I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
