i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
