My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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