do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
