Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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