Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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