Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
