after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
