I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Pants are for mortals
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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