I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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