so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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