Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
