im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
