I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I need to calm my uterus...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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