Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My vagina is very pro this idea
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
