I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
