Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you will always have a special place in my vag
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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