you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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