is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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