Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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