You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
and you fell through a lawn chair
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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