If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
