I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
