I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
