masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
