Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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