We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
