you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
