you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Pants are for mortals
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
