drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
