Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
