Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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