my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
