Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
