apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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