So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
