Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
