I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
