Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
