youre lurking in front of me
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it's not cheating when I paid for it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
