when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
