i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
