If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
