Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
