I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
