Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
