Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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