It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
