lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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