susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
